This guy loved living on Staten Island, but he wasn't crazy about the ferry. If you missed a ferry late at night, you had to spend the next hour or ... keep reading.
One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived to watch the birth. But ... keep reading.
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to ... keep reading.
A blind man was describing his favorite sport... parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door ... keep reading.
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska.
The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I ... keep reading.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a ... keep reading.
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the ... keep reading.
The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, "Pardon me miss, do you happen to have the time?"
... keep reading.
An Indian walks into a trading post and asks for toilet paper. The clerk asks if he would like no name, Charmin, or White Cloud.
"White Cloud sounds like good ... keep reading.
Two men were out fishing, when they found a lamp floating in the water. One of the men picked it up and rubbed it, causing a genie to explode from ... keep reading.
A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He worked the rest of ... keep reading.
Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience.
It bothered him so much that he ... keep reading.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant.
"... keep reading.
One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in ... keep reading.
My uncle once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would ... keep reading.
A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp.
"Wow," said the bartender. "... keep reading.
A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.
As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as ... keep reading.
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
... keep reading.
Chuck Norris once brought a man back to life twice and killed him three times because the man had the audacity to die before Chuck Norris was finished killing him. keep reading.
When Chuck Norris does push ups he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down. keep reading.
THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. ... keep reading.
There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot.
One day he went to work to find that ... keep reading.
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister ... keep reading.
A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I?m sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he ... keep reading.