A man walks into an emergency room with two black eyes and a broken nose. The doctor asks him what happened.
"Well," says the man, "I was having a nice ... keep reading.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his ... keep reading.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex."
"... keep reading.
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving ... keep reading.
Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he finally came to, he ... keep reading.
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily ... keep reading.
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an end to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would you
say if I told you that I've been sleeping ... keep reading.
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on ... keep reading.
After years of marriage, Ole and Lena found themselves in bed one night. Lena leaned over to Ole and said, "Ole, have you ever been unfaithful during all our years ... keep reading.
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted ... keep reading.
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony ... keep reading.
It is Thanksgiving Day and a family is preparing dinner awaiting the arrival of the children's grandparents. Thomas, who is four is running around looking for is new pair of ... keep reading.
He said. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . . Since I first laid ... keep reading.
For BB King's birthday, his wife wanted to give him something very special! BB already had pretty much everything a person could want, money, fame and happiness! BB's wife decided ... keep reading.
Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about ... keep reading.
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle ... keep reading.
Luke's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Darling, ... keep reading.
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr. Avery, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have ... keep reading.
A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they ... keep reading.
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and as he watched, the older gentleman ... keep reading.
John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away, noticed that John was ever so slowly ... keep reading.
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, ... keep reading.
"To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I ... keep reading.
Three couples wanted to be admitted into a new church. One was an elderly couple, one was a middle-aged couple, and one was a young couple.
The priest said, "Well, ... keep reading.