New Jokes - Page 7
President Clinton was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad news."
"... keep reading.
My husband and I were in the car heading home from a weekend trip out of town.
We needed gasoline, so I stopped at a gas station just off the ... keep reading.
A man walked into a bar and ordered a twelve-year old scotch. As the bartender was busy, he decided to serve the guy whatever he had under his hand.
The ... keep reading.
There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.
So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. "But," he said to the salesperson, "I ... keep reading.
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down.
He gets ... keep reading.
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house ... keep reading.
John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. The drugstore owner had had ... keep reading.
A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says "Wow, cool ... keep reading.
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what ... keep reading.
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted ... keep reading.
Why did the chicken cross the road?:
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it ... keep reading.
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on ... keep reading.
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony ... keep reading.
A German Shepherd went to a Western Union office, took out a blank telegram form and wrote, "Woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof.. woof."
The clerk examined the paper ... keep reading.
It is Thanksgiving Day and a family is preparing dinner awaiting the arrival of the children's grandparents. Thomas, who is four is running around looking for is new pair of ... keep reading.
A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're ... keep reading.
This couple walks into a bar: The man goes of to the bog and leaves the women standing at the bar. A bloke goes up to the women and says, "... keep reading.
A man, his wife, and seven children where waiting in a bus stop. After some time a blind man joins them. The bus arrives. The blind man and the large ... keep reading.
A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes ... keep reading.
A man walked into a bar and sat down beside a women. Suddenly her glass eye popped out and he caught it. She thanked him and asked him if he ... keep reading.
The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the spread of his dreams in Wyoming.
"So, what did you ... keep reading.
There were these two snake buddies slithering along through the grass.
One snake asked his friend: "Thay, are we poisonous?"
His friend answered: "Yes, very. Why do you ask?"
And ... keep reading.
Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another and decided to tell each other what their greatest sins were. The first nun says, "My greatest sin ... keep reading.
A man and his son were walking down the street one day. They saw two dogs having sex in a yard.
The son asked his father, "Daddy, what are they ... keep reading.