New Jokes - Page 5
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the ... keep reading.
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and took him down to the station. While the officers were distracted, the crook grabbed ... keep reading.
A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork.
"About two hours," says the conductor.
"Okay," says the drunkard, "... keep reading.
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, ... keep reading.
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave ... keep reading.
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.
The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man of the cloth, ... keep reading.
A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle ... keep reading.
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it.
Realizing his mistake, ... keep reading.
Although her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, his wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he finally came to, he ... keep reading.
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed.
He was put in a room with another crazy and ... keep reading.
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the ... keep reading.
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the ... keep reading.
A guy went to apply for a job with the U.S. Postal Service. During the interview, the interviewer asked the guy if he was a veteran. The guy said "... keep reading.
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes ... keep reading.
Once upon a time, there was a nonconformist sparrow who decided to not fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather had turned so cold that he reluctantly decided ... keep reading.
A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, ... keep reading.
A five-year-old boy was mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lived across the street saw the beer and came over to harass the kid.
"Aren't ... keep reading.
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily ... keep reading.
Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to put an end to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would you
say if I told you that I've been sleeping ... keep reading.
A woman went into a pet shop and said to the man, "I want a parrot, but sell me one that definitely talks."
The man sold her a parrot, saying, "... keep reading.
Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in ... keep reading.
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the ... keep reading.
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked ... keep reading.
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," ... keep reading.