New Jokes - Page 4
The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.
The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.
The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes ... keep reading.
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, ... keep reading.
"Doc, I think my son has VD," a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."
"Okay, don't be hard on him. He's ... keep reading.
When Joe's wife ran away he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living."
"... keep reading.
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it's cool
2002: Moving to California because ... keep reading.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex."
"... keep reading.
In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more ... keep reading.
A man was driving home late one night and was feeling very horny. As he was passing a pumpkin patch, his mind started to wander. He thought to himself, you ... keep reading.
A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.
"Promise me you ... keep reading.
Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation ... keep reading.
A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.
"Aha," said he, "... keep reading.
After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the ... keep reading.
A woman desperately looking for work went into a factory. The personnel manager looked over her resume and regretfully explained to her that he had nothing worthy of her talents. ... keep reading.
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that ... keep reading.
There were three guys hitchiking along the roads of a plain, boring field because their car overheated from the long drive. Exhausted, hungry, and thirsty from the long walk, they ... keep reading.
10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
8. ... keep reading.
A husband and a wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local golf club. The man and woman meet the pro and head to the driving ... keep reading.
1. Your potted plants stay alive.
2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when ... keep reading.
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered ... keep reading.
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.
They all decided that one person should get off ... keep reading.
A woman walked into the doctor's but didn't like the way he was looking at her. When he told her to undress she asked him to turn out the lights ... keep reading.
1. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
2. You can't feed that to the dog.
3. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
4. Trim the fat off that steak.
5. ... keep reading.
A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
... keep reading.
This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"
"No" replied ... keep reading.