Support: Ridge Hall, computer assistant; may I help you?
Customer: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
Support: What sort of trouble?
Customer: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
Support: Went away?
Customer: They disappeared.
Support: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Customer: Nothing.
Support: Nothing?
Customer: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
Support: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Customer: How do I tell?
Support: Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?
Customer: What's a sea-prompt?
Support: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
Customer: There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Support: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Customer: What's a monitor?
Support: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Customer: I don't know.
Support: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Customer: ......Yes, I think so.
Support: Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Customer: ......Yes, it is.
Support: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Customer: No.
Support: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Customer: ......Okay, here it is.
Support: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Customer: I can't reach.
Support: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?
Customer: No.
Support: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Customer: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark.
Support: Dark?
Customer: Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Support: Well, turn on the office light then.
Customer: I can't.
Support: No? Why not?
Customer: Because there's a power outage.
Support: A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Customer: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Support: Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Customer: Really? Is it that bad?
Support: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Customer: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Support: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.