The Picture Tells Me
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
3,975 views
Rate this joke:
3/5 from 38 votes
This man finds a unique way to figure out when he's had one too many beers.
Category: men jokes
Similar Jokes
-
Mens Advice For Women
...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' ...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're ... keep reading.
-
Men Asking Jesus
Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men ... keep reading.
-
What He Really Means
I'm hungry = I'm hungry I'm tired = I'm tired Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you Can I take you out to ... keep reading.
-
Lay You Or Jack Off
One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have ... keep reading.
-
The Priest And His Rooster
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock ... keep reading.
-
Which Musician Would You Be?
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?". Chuck Norris said, "I would be ... keep reading.
-
Scientist Vs The Farmer
A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a ... keep reading.
-
New Years Resolutions
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you think. 4. Watch more TV. You've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. 6. Stop bringing ... keep reading.
-
Giving To Charity
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade ... keep reading.
-
I Hate Schlitz
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? ... keep reading.
-
Fixed Hearing Problems
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of ... keep reading.
-
Clearly And Lorraine
There was a guy and he had a girlfriend called Lorraine. She was very pretty and he liked her a lot. One day he went to work to find that ... keep reading.
-
Short Women Jokes
Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? ... keep reading.
-
The Dead Lawyer
A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I?m sorry, but he died last week." The next day he ... keep reading.
-
Keep Your Photo
A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back. He went out and ... keep reading.
-
Preacher's Robe In Heaven
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint ... keep reading.