Poor Old Mildred
Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
2,446 views
Rate this joke:
2/5 from 16 votes
Gah, what a way to go. Poor old Mildred!
Category: women jokes
Similar Jokes
-
A Confused Little Boy
Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please ... keep reading.
-
Why A Divorce For You?
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in ... keep reading.
-
Bony Husband In Boxers
On News Years Eve, a thin and bony husband is walking around in the house wearing only his boxers. His wife comes out of the kitchen and says, "Hey, the ... keep reading.
-
Nuns Comin' Back
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting ... keep reading.
-
Dictionary For Women (F-Z)
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone ... keep reading.
-
Mail Man's Last Day
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first ... keep reading.
-
Nuns Talking
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What ... keep reading.
-
A New Nursing Home
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her ... keep reading.
-
Flat-Chested Bra
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and ... keep reading.
-
A Big Sale
It was the day of the big sale. Rumours of the sale and some advertising in the local paper were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 ... keep reading.
-
Period Euphemisms
Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara Trolling for Vampires A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy Saddling Old Rusty Feelin' Menstru-riffic! Clean-Up in Aisle One Massacre at the Y T-Minus 9 ... keep reading.
-
Bags Under Her Eyes
There was this woman who had bags under her eyes and wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. She tells ... keep reading.
-
Dont Step on Ducks
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven ... don't step on the ... keep reading.
-
Deer Hunting Incident
A man took his wife deer hunting for the first time. After he explained the basics to his wife, he told her the most important piece of information: Whenever you ... keep reading.
-
Go To Work Naked
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan. 3. "I'd love to chip in, ... keep reading.
-
Women Can Pull Off
We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs. We absently hum tunes ... keep reading.
