It's Really Quiet
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?"
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
2,627 views
Rate this joke:
2/5 from 33 votes
This drunk is driving every which way and gets pulled over.
Category: men jokes
Similar Jokes
-
Young Boudreaux Missed
Young Boudreaux applied for an engineering job way, way up north in Shreveport. A local man applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked ... keep reading.
-
Two Hour Train Ride
A drunken Irishman gets on a train and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork. "About two hours," says the conductor. "Okay," says the drunkard, "... keep reading.
-
What He Really Means
I'm hungry = I'm hungry I'm tired = I'm tired Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you Can I take you out to ... keep reading.
-
Preacher's Robe In Heaven
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint ... keep reading.
-
A Guys Erect Trick
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I ... keep reading.
-
A Lawyers Valentines Day
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all ... keep reading.
-
Bad Bear Hunting
Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob goes hunting, and shoots a small brown bear. Then, the mother of that small brown bear comes up to ... keep reading.
-
Repairing The Phone
A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests ... keep reading.
-
Return My Horse
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished ... keep reading.
-
Dating My Daughter
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my ... keep reading.
-
Stop Free Advice
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an ... keep reading.
-
Wheel In My Pants
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The Bartender says, "Why do have a steering wheel in your pants?" The man replies " I don't ... keep reading.
-
Intelligence From Where?
A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from ... keep reading.
-
An Honest Lawyer
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house ... keep reading.
-
Four Envelopes
The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are ... keep reading.
-
My Dead Penis
An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the ... keep reading.
