Bar Cigarettes And Nuts
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. As he sits there, the jar of nuts on the bar tells him what a nice shirt he is wearing. Disturbed by this, he goes to the cigarette vending machine to buy a pack of smokes. As he approaches the machine, it starts screaming and shouting at him. He runs to the bar and explains this to the barman. The barman apologizes and says "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order"!
3,505 views
Rate this joke:
2/5 from 25 votes
A guy starts thinking things are a bit strange when the bar nuts and cigarette machine start talking to him.
Category: men jokes
Similar Jokes
-
Farmer Brown's Pig
Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience. It bothered him so much that he ... keep reading.
-
Drunken George
George was planning on going out with "The Boys" when his wife told him that he wasn't leaving the house. George's Wife: "The last time you went out with your ... keep reading.
-
Stupid Fishermen
Every day of their vacation, these two guys rented a boat and fished. One day they caught thirty fish. Joe said, "Moe, mark this spot so that we can come ... keep reading.
-
Magical Pool
There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy ... keep reading.
-
Cost Of Pulling A Tooth
Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes. Patient: And how much will it cost? Dentist: It's $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a ... keep reading.
-
Cardiologists Funeral
A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished ... keep reading.
-
A Sleeping Scotsman
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against ... keep reading.
-
Great Hunting Friend
A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes ... keep reading.
-
Mens Advice For Women
...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.' ...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're ... keep reading.
-
Shrink My Uh-huh
There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just ... keep reading.
-
Barbie In The Window
Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the ... keep reading.
-
Giving To Charity
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade ... keep reading.
-
To Laugh At Myself
"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused." keep reading.
-
A Tiff with Riley
My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley." "Riley? ... keep reading.
-
Blond Guy Chainsaw
This (Blonde) fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his backyard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer ... keep reading.
-
An Honest Lawyer
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house ... keep reading.