Annoying Usher
10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.
9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.
8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"
7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.
6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.
5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.
4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.
3. Offer your "services" to all guests.
2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.
1. Insist on a pants-free environment.
9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.
8. Two words: "Bathroom Key"
7. Insist on frisking all female guests. Body cavity searches are optional.
6. "March" down the aisle and speak with a German accent as you show people to their seats.
5. Urinate in front of each row you are about to open up. Make comments about marking your territory.
4. Pretend you are the Phantom of the Opera. Lurk in the shadows when time permits.
3. Offer your "services" to all guests.
2. Offer guests the opportunity to be included in your plans for world domination.
1. Insist on a pants-free environment.
3,428 views
Rate this joke:
2/5 from 27 votes
Top Ten Ways To Be An Annoying Usher...
Category: stupid jokes
Similar Jokes
-
Star Trek And Toilet Paper
what do the star ship enterprise and toilet paper have in common? they both travel around uranus searching for klingons keep reading.
-
Hunchback's Replacement
The hunchback of notre dame dies so they need to find a new bell-ringer. this guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it. "but you've got ... keep reading.
-
A Full Survivor
At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed ... keep reading.
-
The Spoon
A man and his wife were in a fancy resturant. While ordering, they noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and after looking around, they observed ... keep reading.
-
Bungee Jumping In Mexico
One summer day, Mark and Tony decide to try bungee-jumping. After a full day of bungee-fun, Mark says, "You know, Tony, we could make a lot of money running our ... keep reading.
-
Confused Milk
There were three guys hitchiking along the roads of a plain, boring field because their car overheated from the long drive. Exhausted, hungry, and thirsty from the long walk, they ... keep reading.
-
Canadian Drivers
1. - One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: MONTREAL 2. - One hand on wheel, one finger out window: TORONTO 3. - One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting ... keep reading.
-
Amazing Mule Nuts
An American couple on vacation with some friends in Mexico were shopping at the market to bring back a few souvenirs to their family and friends. Time passed, and the ... keep reading.
-
Fire Insured Cigars
A North Carolina man, having bought several expensive cigars, insured them against... get this... fire. After he had smoked them, he then decided that he had a claim against the ... keep reading.
-
Don't Trust Leprechauns
This guy is sitting at a bar having a few wobbly-pops and suddenly gets this feeling that he has to go make an urgent call to the potty. So he ... keep reading.
-
Mommy's Washcloth
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what ... keep reading.
-
Cannibals Meet
Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest when they see a man who had recently passed away. One cannibal says, "Look at this! You start at the feet and ... keep reading.
-
Smooth Move Kiddo
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school. "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal. "Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," ... keep reading.
-
Sunday School Lesson
Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who ... keep reading.
-
Four Nuns
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said. "... keep reading.
-
The Cabbie And The Nun
A San Francisco cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and ... keep reading.
