Free Upskirts Jokes
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use ... keep reading.
Yo mama is so stupid
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she ... keep reading.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then ... keep reading.
Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did ... keep reading.
In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was
fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
"$10 ... keep reading.
The following is a true story written by an educational psychologist and her experience on a plane.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of ... keep reading.
10. Show up drunk. I mean REALLY drunk.
9. SQUEEZE as many people as you can in each row before opening up the next one. We're going for efficiency here.
8. Two words: "... keep reading.
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer ... keep reading.
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las ... keep reading.
A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of ... keep reading.
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right ... keep reading.
Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to ... keep reading.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an ... keep reading.
Q. What did God say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.
Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put ... keep reading.
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to ... keep reading.
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the ... keep reading.
At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far ... keep reading.
You find yourself listening to talk radio.
You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
You fondly ... keep reading.
THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....
THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
... keep reading.
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to
visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car
became ... keep reading.
Why did the chicken cross the road?:
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it ... keep reading.
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.
The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man of the cloth, ... keep reading.
10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
8. ... keep reading.