Family Guy Jokes and Family Guy Funnies

Lil' Johnny on Politics

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so ... keep reading.

Husbands Nasty Farts

Herman and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he ... keep reading.

Installing A Carpet

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, ... keep reading.

Yo Mamma So Poor

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Yo mama so poor she can't ... keep reading.

Fathers Then And Now

Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray ... keep reading.

Subjects For A Date

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there ... keep reading.

Fun With Telemarketers

What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner ... keep reading.

Shopping For Turkeys

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get ... keep reading.

Pre-Birth Class

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised ... keep reading.

Family Of Tomatoes

The family of tomatoes A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the ... keep reading.

Papa Fell In The Well

The class assignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his. "Papa fell in the well last ... keep reading.

Stressed Out Family

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk". 9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial. 8. The cat is on Valium. 7. People have trouble understanding ... keep reading.

Three Relatives Died

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?" "My mother died in June, ... keep reading.

I Where The Pants

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take ... keep reading.

Class Clown's Excuse

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition ... keep reading.

Junior's License

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately ... keep reading.

No Marriage Yet

Bubba was from the lower valley, and he decided he wanted to get married to his sweetheart. So, while enjoying some grits and gravy for dinner one evening, Bubba brought ... keep reading.

Always Room For...

A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded ... keep reading.

Not Before Marriage

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not ... keep reading.

Mail Man's Last Day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first ... keep reading.

Bet About Pee And A Cup

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his ... keep reading.

Stop Your Swearing Kid

One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church. Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the ... keep reading.

Don't Disgrace The Family

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. So, the grandmother says sit here and let ... keep reading.

Rednecks In The City

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the ... keep reading.

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Family Guy Jokes

Lil' Johnny on Politics

Husbands Nasty Farts

Installing A Carpet

Yo Mamma So Poor

Fathers Then And Now

Subjects For A Date

Fun With Telemarketers

Shopping For Turkeys

Pre-Birth Class

Family Of Tomatoes

Papa Fell In The Well

Stressed Out Family

Three Relatives Died

I Where The Pants

Class Clown's Excuse

Junior's License

No Marriage Yet

Always Room For...

Not Before Marriage

Mail Man's Last Day

Bet About Pee And A Cup

Stop Your Swearing Kid

Don't Disgrace The Family

Rednecks In The City

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