Cum For Your Life Jokes
A travelling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his ... keep reading.
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy ... keep reading.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is ... keep reading.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
George Bush virus: Doesn't ... keep reading.
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use ... keep reading.
Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray ... keep reading.
Actual stupid questions asked
The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records.
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies ... keep reading.
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, ... keep reading.
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. ... keep reading.
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants ... keep reading.
Penny was a hard working, conscientious girl, who lived on her own. Her dream in life was to go on an ocean cruise around the world. So she scrimped, and ... keep reading.
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed ... keep reading.
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: ... keep reading.
Man Gives Up On Women
April 10, 2003 - Atlanta, USA
Atlanta native auto mechanic Michael Ross publicly declares that he has given up the life long struggle to figure out what ... keep reading.
Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady ... keep reading.
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary ... keep reading.
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and ... keep reading.
Pope visits Lake Simcoe
July 22, 2002 - Ontario, Canada
Not only is it part of the Popes job to visit many parts of the globe, but it is also his passionate ... keep reading.
A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for ... keep reading.
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a ... keep reading.
A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean.
Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head ... keep reading.
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young ... keep reading.
One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do ... keep reading.
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby ... keep reading.