Animals Jokes - Page 2
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was ... keep reading.
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed ... keep reading.
The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the ... keep reading.
A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he ... keep reading.
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to ... keep reading.
An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot ... keep reading.
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dos is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come ... keep reading.
A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, "I would like a bourbon and...... a coke." The bar tender says "What's up with the big pause?" ... keep reading.
There were these three farmers that wanted to win the state fair contest for having the largest hog. They decide that they should stick a cork in the pigs ass ... keep reading.
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on ... keep reading.
Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old ... keep reading.
One day a farmer goes into town to see a vet to see if how to tell that his pigs are pregnant. The vet says that if there standing up ... keep reading.
This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface ... keep reading.
Our dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase, so I cut ... keep reading.
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the ... keep reading.
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right ... keep reading.
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up ... keep reading.
"Hi, police department? I've lost my cat and .
"Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we are too busy.
"But you don't understand. this is a very intelligent cat. ... keep reading.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray ... keep reading.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the ... keep reading.
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
... keep reading.
So there's this bird called Mary, yeah?
She's a virgin ("Wossat then?") She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary ... keep reading.
John was waiting to cross the street when a blind man approached with his guide-dog. The traffic sign turned green and instead of helping its master to cross, the dog ... keep reading.
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter:
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
... keep reading.